We are several months deep into quarantine at this point. If you haven’t been feeling some BIG emotions at this point, we may not be living in the same reality. All of us have things right now, big and small, to celebrate, to grieve, to rage at, and to make peace with.

I remember when I was fresh out of college, going through a terrible time of loss. I remember distinctly being afraid of giving full vent to my emotions, because I was afraid that if I started crying, I would simply never stop. The sheer bigness of my grief terrified me. And I did not have tools in my emotional tool belt to deal with it.

A few years later, when I was cradling my newborn son, I remember feeling afraid of giving full release to my joy. Like that was tempting fate to bring things crashing down. I was afraid to be truly and simply happy, because that felt too risky. That joy was too pure, too precious, and I thought it would be too ruinous if it were lost.

We as Americans are not taught how to feel. We dismiss our joy by saying “we are just lucky“ or “it’s not that big of a deal.” We don’t give people time and space to fully grieve losses, because sitting with them in their mourning feels too vulnerable. We want to fix things. We want to comfort. And then we want to move on.

But when we deny the full capacity of our emotions, we dim the lights on our own human experience. By denying ourselves full permission to experience grief, anger, or fear, we also limit our capacity for love, exuberance, and wonder.

Big emotions exist for a reason. They are not challenges to be overcome or controlled. They are indicators that guide us towards fuller life. Is there a respectful way and a damaging way to give vent to anger? Of course. Can we get lost in the outer realms of depression? It happens. BUT. If we limit ourselves by being afraid to travel to those wild places, we also limit our capacity to grow.

So this week, in baby steps, try to be gentle with your heart. Coax it out of the box you have stuffed it in and check in with yourself. How are you really? Sit in silence and let the answer come slowly… it’s not like we have anywhere else to be.