There isn’t a lot going on right now to distract us from being stuck in our thoughts. This gives us plenty of time to dwell on unhappy situations, people who have hurt us, and times in life where we have been treated wrongly. In psychology, this pattern of thought is called ‘rumination’, which, is also the term for when cows chew cud, swallow it, and then burp it back up to chew on it again. If that doesn’t paint a picture for you, I don’t know what does.
Unforgiveness hurts US much more than it ever hurts the person or institution you are harboring anger towards. It is a knife turned backwards, and the person being gutted is yourself. I am not trying to trivialize the hard work that forgiving can take, nor am I trying to dismiss your hurt or say you should rush through pain of betrayal. BUT. If you find yourself stuck in mind patterns of anger and ill-will, now may be a good time to start practicing the art of slow forgiveness.
To start off, forgiveness is not welcoming a toxic person back into your life. Boundaries are a GOOD thing. I heard a quote once that stuck with me- “It’s not that I don’t want you to eat, just not at my table.” In many cases, that’s what healthy forgiveness with good boundaries looks like. If you can come to a point where you can not wish ill for the person who hurt you, you are not obligated to let them back into your life.
Take it a step at a time. When you find your thoughts circling the drain, intentionally think of something else. Once you gett pretty good at that, challenge yourself to start thinking of the person who hurt you as a person, not just the source of your pain. Then, slowly, remind yourself of how you don’t want to be defined by that situation, that hurt. Actively seek other things, GOOD things that give your life structure and meaning. And, slowly, one step forward, two steps back, you will get to Taylor Swift’s amazing level of getting over it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1cEvNn88jM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1cEvNn88jM
JoyPlusGrace 