This is how the birth of Jesus the Messiah came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.
But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”

Matthew 1:18-21

In this life, there are so many things to be afraid of. We all experience anxiety about our future, our security, the safety of those we love, the looming specter of tragedy that touches us all eventually in some shape or form. But, we also all share another common fear: our reputation. Humans are, by our very essence, communal creatures. We crave relationships, networks, associations, and all the other threads of connection that bind us to each other, and in turn, to the world in which we are immersed. Our reputation- what other people think of us- matters greatly to us. How we are perceived, others judgement on our worthiness, feels crucial to our well being.

But.

Oftentimes our reputation is what keeps us clinging to the known and the safe. It is what makes us afraid to step out into faith, to claim our individuality and our giftedness that makes us beautifully unique. I have observed that when God decides to get his fingers dirty in our lives, our reputation is often one of the first things to go.

Reputation is one of the chief things we count in our illusion of control. Our carefully cultivated behavior, words, and decisions shape how we are seen in our community and among our people. We feel that our good decisions, our values, and our work on behalf of the shalom of the world should guarantee us honor and good standing in our community. It’s something we take pride in. It’s something that forms the core of our identity. Unfortunately, since it is something so irrevocably tied to our own actions and behaviors, it is often one of the things God gently (or not so gently) removes from us when he is teaching us to step out in faith and trust.

As I have said before, one key lesson I have learned in my life is that what other people think of us is none of our business. We cannot control how others perceive us, speak of us, or even whether they like us or not. In fact, the harder we try to control this, the more futile the pursuit becomes. A few years ago, I parted from a job in a very public and painful way. In the process, I stepped away from an entire community of people who had been my community for years. It was embarrassing. It was incredibly painful. I cannot count the number of tears shed, or relationships mourned, of memories tarnished in the process. But, this pain, instead of being a butcher knife, was a scalpel. Carefully wielded by the Great Physician in the process of carving out the cancerous mass of pride and self-sufficiency I had built around my soul. Like almost any surgery, it was an incredibly invasive and agonizing process, but one that ultimately resulted in a healthier self.

I would never, EVER choose to go through that again. I am NOT thankful for how that situation played out, the relationships lost, the fracture in the kingdom that resulted. But, I am eternally grateful for the deliverance from my illusions of sufficiency. I am thankful that I have the indelible reminder that I am not enough on my own, without trusting the guiding hand of my Savior. And. I am grateful that my reputation took a hit. Knowing that others have seen the cracks in the façade, I am no longer so afraid to take a step out into the unknown. Failure isn’t an impossibility, because I have seen it firsthand and survived.

In the Nativity story, Joseph came perilously close to losing his role in the narrative. He made a decision, based on the customs of the day and concern for reputation, his and Mary’s, to part ways. He did not want to be seen as an adulterer, or, even worse, a cuckold. It took a divine manifestation of God to pry his need to preserve his reputation away. I am sure it was embarassing. The breach of trust he felt must have seemed like a boulder in the path between himself and his beloved. Yet, he took that step of trust. He remained faithful. And the result was the fulfillment of prophecy. A family, united. A world, forever changed.

Sometimes, in order for God to do God’s business in the world, our reputation is the first thing to go. Have you felt the exposed rawness of the loss of your good name? Have you felt the wild panic that accompanies your loss of control over your life, your standing in the community? How has the process, though painful, brought forth growth and new opportunities for life in the Kingdom?