Life is not a well marked road. There are twists and turns, dead ends and bumpy, unpaved roads. We all have an idea of a direction we would like to head in, but our plan is far from guaranteed. We get through life stumbling, trying to peer beyond the reach of our headlights, hoping we are headed in the right direction. And hoping there is a Smithfield’s BBQ, a rest stop, and a gas station along the way.

When I was younger, I felt paralyzed by the sheer unknown of the future. I lived on edge, worried that I would make wrong decision and deviate from ‘God’s will’ for my life. That a college major, the decision to pursue one goal and not another, even a summer internship could lead me astray onto the wrong path and I would miss God’s best for me.

That’s an awfully small view of God, is it not? What kind of omniscient, all powerful deity would send you into a darker timeline because you decided to take a psychology class instead of religious studies? That line of reasoning also does not track with who God says they are in scripture.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love

1 John 4

I was living in fear, not in love. The realization hit me like a splash of cold water to the face, and I have been freed to be confident, in myself, in my decisions, and in my drive for working for God’s Kingdom here.

This concept, that God is love, not fear, has become my lens for decision making when it comes to matters of faith and of life. Am I acting from my heart, from my core, operating on beliefs that feel like love? Or am I reacting, closed off and afraid of making the wrong choice? Do I speak, act, and live wholeheartedly, or carefully guarded with clenched fist?

Deciding to live in the economy of love and not fear means living a life where you are easily bruised. Where people take you unawares, and where you don’t see betrayal coming. It means making decisions about who to love, who not to judge, who to accept and gather close, that others may tsk tsk about. It means taking stands in public and in private that ruffle feathers and cause people to pray for you.

But.

Living wholeheartedly is worth it. Living true to your core, to your beliefs about God as a loving and not judging God, makes this world seem less closed off and sinister. It frees you up to love big, and leave the judgement far in the distance. It gives you permission to see God’s Kingdom at work in unexpected, unsanctioned, unsanctified places. You know, kind of like in the New Testament.

It gives you your voice back, to use on behalf of others. It gives you your family back, freed from the fear of messing things up. Living through the lens of love gives me energy, joy and passion that I would have been to timid to seize before.

What decisions are you weighing right now? What is holding you back? Is that voice in your head one of love, or of fear? How does knowing that God is ALL love and NO fear change your view of your life? Your decisions? Your values? Your freedom?